MP3 Observations Of The Day

1. The instrumental of Common's UMC single
2. Kanye's new album takes at least three listens to get it. Lyrics is wack, but shit he did that in four months? Okay maybe that's not a good baramator but still. Heard the singles and didn't get it. I get it now.
3. Fuck alladat. NEW CLIPSE! http://www.complex.com/ENTERTAINMENT/MUSIC/Clipse-Mixtape

That is all.
-Prov!?

Coming Soon

Fu*k $: The Plan
Inspired by this guy:


...and the job situation.

Maybe it's affecting me more than I thought

Anyway The Plan...coming soon. Listening to some parts I've mixed today and man...if only Divshare didn't overcompress the mp3 files.

I apologize in advance for the Clash overload. Been listening to them since Thursday.

1L2U,
Prov!?

JobBlog: HEAD FOR THE LIFEBOATS!

Heh...
Received an email today stating that my company is considering moving...to Jersey City.

Oh it gets better and better every year...

JobBlog: If I really cared, I would say Fuck You

9/11/08
1:26pm

If you're going to get huff over the email, at least know what you're talking about. How are you going to explain to me something I already knew, something we've been doing for three years? You want to get your files together? Fukka here's the spreadsheet we're using with the fees and everything. And people ask why I'm in grand spirits. I don't have to deal with these fuckers anymore.

I also put in my query about this five-week A+ course which starts in October. If I had money (or rather if they actually showed the price of the classes), I would have started this Sunday. Thank god the next ones are on a Saturday...no College, but I still got the Pros!

Woooooooo!

JobBlog: The discussion

We had a meeting.
We spent 45 mins on the impending doom.
I'm tired of talking and hearing about it.
Maybe I'm not as shook as the others.
I did get some more ideas from the meeting.
Why da fuck they keep asking about free lunch? Fucking greedy ass muthafukkas.
Why are they concerned about how the company is going to do when we leave? They done made their decision, worry about yourself. When I got the boot from Atari, I ain't think about how they were going to do. I mean whenever I saw their quarterly report, I laughed at how much money they were losing. Same here. Maybe I'm a field nigger praying for master to die instead of saying "Boss, we's sick?"
And one of my friends, god bless her, sent me a job listing that she later took back because of how much they were paying.
Will work on the resume this weekend.

Advice to my peoples:
If a company is from Europe, think twice like Donald Byrd.

JobBlog: Can I at least finish my breakfast?

9:10am

Thankfully I was a minute late. I will either have to take an earlier bus or start taking the trains again because they're fucking up my extra 30 mins.

I took one bite of my sausage egg mcmuffin when my co-worker (the one getting married) started asking me about what would sound better than the title we have. He wanted to use sales support, to which I wanted to reply "If that's what we are, we would still have jobs". I didn't because honestly I'm tired of hearing/talking/thinking about it especially the fear in his voice. We agreed on Account Sales Support, which is still, in my opinion, inaccurate, but whatever. I'm tired and want to eat my $4.36 meal.

Confession: As my "I'm Out This Bitch" high is coming down, I'm slightly nervous due to the fact I realized that it's going to take longer to get the knowledge down for certification. I mean I could just go and cram, but how is that going to benefit me?

One of these days I'm going to shut my brain down and just go.

And I also solved the luncheon and bowling query; I'm calling out sick. Simple ain't it?

Horray! He just announced that he finished his resume and is sending it off.

Dude, can I finish my breakfast?

JobBlog: Oh yeah?

Tuesay 9/9/08
11:52am

Manager came back today from vacation. He informs us that his usual urgency isn't there and will help us with our resumes if we want. Also gave us the green light to start searching. My mind enters extra scheme mode. I have to detox quickly so I don't have to be here doing this bitch ass renewal season.

For some reason, three of my co-workers didn't get the bonus notice that I did. Interesting. Could be because they were here for over 5yrs. *shrugs*

I should also start making medical appointments since I haven't used my medical in years. Might as well...I won't have it for long.

Rocking Out pt2

1L2U,
Prov!?

JobBlog: Welcome to Bollywood!

Thursday 9/04 10am
We had a meeting on the same floor as Human Resources (Bad sign #1). In the conference room are HR reps (Bad sign #2) and the Director of Operations (This can't be a good sign #3). Bomb drops: globally Customer Service is being restructured with E-helpdesk moving to St. Louis while Invoicing and Contract Management (my department) will be now handled in India. Shock filled the room, sighs and gasps are heard in the air. I smiled, trying hard not to jump out the seat and do a TD celebration. I chuckled because I had a feeling my job was in trouble. See, anytime I really hated a job, in due time I'm no longer there. So said. So done.

All of this will happen by the end of May so we have nine months to find other forms of employment. Two of my co-workers will be forced into retirement. My manager doesn't know because they didn't want to ruin his vacation. This should be fun

We later meet with reps to discuss the usual: severance package, COBRA, benefits, etc. Package is a joke: two weeks for each year you worked and you get a bonus if you stay after January. I will get six weeks in a lump sum, of course taxes will be taken out. I scheme.

One of my co-workers was extremely pissed off because he has been busting his ass on this job. Like dude would come to work on the weekends or when it was supposed to be his day off. Though I admired his hard work, I always wanted to tell him not to do that because, in my experience, your hard work don't mean shit. It's all about networking. He talked about hustling, which wouldn't surprise me because he's street. Like he's the real life G to Gent. I can see this being a turning point, you know like in the movies when the con comes out and tries to do good only to have it blow up in his face.

Funny thing, this was after my dude gave me breakfast (ie my week supply of herbals).

My co-worker lamented over this. His wedding is going to put on hold. He's on his own and this is bad timing. Blah blah blah. I do not want to appear mean, but sometimes I feel he says these things to show how he's the true definition of the American Dream and pulling yourself up by the straps. There's an ego there that I'm not feeling. He can't eat or think. I tell him to eat something because stressing isn't going change things and the company already showed how much they care. Also suggest he goes to the park to clear his mind.

No work gets done. Global email is sent. Phone calls and emails come through, some with sympathy, some with anger. I get a feeling we're going to be getting this for the next couple of days. I contemplate putting the out of office on. We take up the offer to leave after meeting with the HR rep. I mean...work isn't getting done after that bombshell so why stay?

I "ate" my breakfast and drink some beer when I got home, patiently waiting for the Giants/Skins NFL Kickoff Game. World Champion Jints wins. Today was a good day.

Friday 9/05 10:30am
We have a career seminar. I feel like I've heard of this before because the only thing I got away from it was there's money in IT. Some people feel a little bit better; the jedi mind trick worked.

11:45am
Manager of E-Helpdesk comes and gives us the don't worry speech. Fifteen minutes later, one of my co-workers responds with this link in the email: http://money.cnn.com/2008/09/05/news/economy/jobs_august/index.htm?eref=rss_topstories

2:00pm
I get an email from one of the account managers asking (well more like pestering) about the status of a contract. Not shocked, the AM never acknowledge the recent news. I feel...kinda pissed, but that quickly is replaced with "In nine months, I won't have to deal with yall. PRAISE JAH!". A smile came on my face.

Interestingly enough...
...I did more work today than I've done since...since...well shit since I came back from vacation two weeks ago

Saturday 9/06
Couple of thoughts:
-Are we still going to the Customer Service Appreciation Luncheon? I mean we were so appreciated they are relocation us to India.
-Same thing goes for the team-building activity planned for Oct
-Add the Holiday party to that list
-Do we keep working to have a good end-of-the-year review? What's the point? Our jobs are going to India. Raise? Ha! WE'RE GOING TO INDIA!
-I'm going to ask my manager if we still need to meet every two weeks. I mean what's the point? We're losing our jobs.

Amends "Don't Get Fired Before May" plan with "So I Can Get Some Laughs Because It's Going To Be An Interesting Nine Months"

...say wha?

First: HIYA! I missed you too (whoever you may be)

Second:

Third (the main topic): I was at a cookout and met a dude who was part of a crew that had a couple of hits. Not sure if the crew is together because the main member decided to be in Miami than in New York. We got to talking and he asked if I DJ'ed, which I kinda do if you like amateur shit. I told him I did beats, but mainly for hobby. Basically he was looking for a new direction so he asked who I listened to. I ran down the list and got...

"Nah never heard of them"

Them = Dilla, Waajeed, Little Brother, Dwele, Flying Lotus, Wale, J'Davey, Little Dragon

Me = :-(

Then it hit me...even if you're in the industry, you do not know who is out there unless their songs are pimped to Viacom or Clear Channel. Even more shocking was that his crew hung with underground cats for a while.

Being the person that I am, I played him some Dilla.

"This is hot. How many records did he sell?"

:-( * 2

I kinda want to lead him to the goodness that is Left of Center, but the people I like do not make money. This road will get him props, but no ends. This road will have him on the road for a long stretch of time with little cash coming in. C.R.E.A.M. is real, yo and he proved it to me.

Jeez...
Maybe heads were right..."You like them niggas that are broke and struggling."
Birds of a feather...

What does Obama and Big Prov have in common?

IT'S OUR BIRTHDAY!

FINALLY...someone I could be geeked to say was on born on my day, other than Robert "Iceberg Slim" Beck (happy bday, pimp)

And yes at 36 I still get hyped over small things like that.

Eff you, it's my day

(AND FOOTBALL CAME BACK ON SUNDAY! It was like seeing your girl on winter break...)

Top Three Ponderings of Today

1. "Live now reminisce later"
2. Now I remember why I stop going there.
3. "This shit has got to stop"---Goodie Mob

Here I Go Again 4

"Plus this is keeping smart women like me off of the poles. Weed is so en vogue right now, people turn their heads or give you a slap on the wrist. Remember when mentioning stripping became cool? All of a sudden middle age women want to stripercise and give lap dances to their flabby ass husbands who don't want them anyway cause they lust after young girls with big firm tits and a tight wet vagina. That's how weed is at this moment. It's the moonshine of the millennium..."

This hasn't been a good 35th year...

Mainly because I keep saying I'm 36 (that's not until August 4th). So of course you start thinking "Four more years til 40. What do you have to show for it?"

And the answer comes back: Nothing.

Now THIS is probably how folks approaching 30 feel and I should be thinking "It ain't that bad". Then you look around. "It really is that bad."

-no real prospects. Those that were are boo'd up, pregnant, or something
-when people ask me what's new, I respond "Remember how it was the last time we've talked? It's the same."
-got placed on probation because honestly I was pissed at how we are treated every year so I slacked off
-directionless
-at times I feel lonely
-at times I am alone
-I've been in the past waaaaaay too much. I'm wishing there was a time machine or somehow granted special time controlling powers so I could tell my former self "Nigga, go away for college. This rap thing isn't gonna happen" or "You should have never went full time so soon and left the library five years earlier" or "Maybe you should have networked better."
-I think I've geeked out too hard this year

So if you've been wondering why I haven't been out and about, those are some of the reasons why. Like what do I have to offer? Do these people who I call friends, that? Have I pushed my friends away?

"...like my father..." © Prince, "When Doves Cry"

Bah, I need to let that one go.

I don't know.

I'll probably get out of this funk soon...









I hope...







Inshallah...
(and no I'm not suicidal (just wanted to put that out there)).

So I said...

Prov, we're going to compose two beats today.
I said self, you have a deal

Timechange¹


Float¹


Then I said, Self...you know you make hellified good ass interlude beats
To which I answered...

...thanks.

¹Don't ask about the titles. I just throw them out there, depending on the mood.

God Bless The Life Of Weldon Irvine

For those who may not know who he is:
http://www.nathanielturner.com/weldonirvine.htm

I had the honor of meeting him sometime in the mid to late 90s. Back then I used to go to this open mic at the Nuyorican Poets Cafe called "All That!", hosted by Bobbito Garcia and produced by Rocky Lamontagne. Some folks that performed were: Saul Williams, muMs da Schemer, Suheir Hammad, Rich Medina, Wood Harris, Siah & Yeshua Da PoEd, Company Flow, Mos Def, and Jessica Care Moore. If you were an underground mc or a poet in New York City, you had to hit that Lower East Side spot. Nuyo was where I considered home, a place that gave me some of the five best years of my life.

One night, there was a older gentleman wearing a red satin jacket and black jeans who got on the mic. Being the young folks that we were, we kinda laughed at this old man getting on the mic to rhyme, going by a weak name. Master Wel. After a while he had the crowd going, not because he was spitting dat hot fiyah, but because he had the spirit of hip hop in him. Bobbito informed us of that Master Wel was Weldon Irvine. My friend Issac's eyes lit up, but I was in the dark.

M: Who is that?
I: Weldon Irvine, man. Wow. I even have "Time Capsule" in my bag. I carry this everywhere I go.

Still in the dark, Bobbito went on to tell us such classics as BDP's "My Philosophy" and A Tribe Called Quest's "Award Tour" were Weldon's samples. That gave him more props from the audience because those were songs we held. In either 96 or 97, we had a special private performance at the Whitney Museum where I was one of the poets. During our waiting, a conversation between Saul and another brother about, what else, music started. One statement stood out: If "Award Tour" was released then, it would still be live. That's how much props Weldon, in a roundabout way, received from us that Wednesday night at NuYo.

Weldon Irvine also played keyboards for us when the regular couldn't show up. I will admit that sometimes what he played didn't fit what I had in mind, but it was dope regardless. A kind and humble man that would take time out to say "I really dug what you said out there" or answer questions you may have had for him. I remember telling my friend Dudley, who was a fan, about him playing at the NuYo and Weldon signed a copy of Embrace the Positive for him.

One thing I will always remember was how much he would mentioned his young son. In a way, I guess by him rhyming during the time of gun play and popping champagne, he was showing his son an essence of hip hop. The essence of rhythmically reciting a poem about life, struggle, hope, and price. Okay I got a little too overboard there, but hopefully I gave you a view to see what I saw, sitting in my chair listening to him rhyme.

I think I'll stop here before I over-romanticize, leading me to start revising the past into something it wasn't. I will say that his death shocked me and hip hop lost a solider. It was very impressive, in my opinion, to see a jazz legend embrace an artform that some of his peers would consider either not music or thievery. Sampling actually brought us to them; what made us take notice and appreciate.

Damnit.
There I go again.

Okay I'm done writing, but after listening to "Sisters" last night, it brought back memories and sadness. Here are some of videos to illustrate this man's work:

Dear Summer


We're Getting Down:


Sister Sanctified:


Nina Simone - Young Gifted and Black


Donny Hathaway's version


Mos Def - Umi Says


God bless your life, Master Wel. We miss and love you.

1L2U,
Improv!?

Wowzers!

Thank you, dad

For you didn't have to take me to see crappy movies such as this:



but you did. For that, on this Father's Day, good looking out. Love you, man.

Here I Go Again 3

"You know something? There has been this...question, that's been on my mind for years."


What's that?

"Okay, now bear with me and it's not my intention to offend. I always wondered what the egyptians felt when they first read the first four chapters of the New Testament."

The Gospels?

"Yeah, man. Like did they wanted to sue for plagiarism, I mean I know you couldn't sue back then but still...I mean they would have a legit case."

I'm not following, why would they be upset?

"You ever heard the story of Horus or Heru?"

Nah

"This might be long so bear. There were these two gods named Osirius and Seth. The former was good while the latter evil. So one day Seth cuts up his brother in pieces and scatters them over Egypt. His wife Isis finds all the pieces except for his dick. So she constructs one that looks like the Washington Monument and that's another story all together."

Heh so we have an African dick on our nation's capitol.

"And with Obama being president it's even funnier, but anyway Isis uses the dick to conceive a son. That son's name was Horus or Heru. So boom right there is the theft."

Huh?

"Dig, Mary had Jesus by some godly act because Joseph ain't fuck her. Isis did some godly act because Osirus was dead. Like huh?"

Coincidence

"Coincidence my ass. Weren't Moses and the jews in Egypt for how many centuries and shit? I'm sure Isis and Horus were all around. You have glyphs of the Eye of Horus, Ra, umm ummm...all that shit. You mean to tell me Jesus isn't Horus? Mary and Isis aren't the same? Cmon, man. Open your eyes."

Wow

"Nahimean? Your third eye just opened up, my brother"

Nah wow as in you finally lost your mind

"Nah kid, I finally found it."

Okay

"Anyway, I wondered how they felt. Was it like 'Hasim, do you see this? Motherfuckers bit our religion and trying to convert us...with our own shit?'"

Here I Go Again 2

"Pardon me for asking, but you look real familiar"
You might have seen him in a few...films
"Major releases?"
Nah video
"Oh shit you're D. Strokes"
'Yep'
"Shit...good work, my nigga"
I've known D for years. He also throws us a few film production creds, even got one of our artists on some of the soundtracks."
'You should really try to send some stuff off to them video game companies. That's real money.'

M: So do you treat your ladies right
D: I always respect the bitches I'm fucking. Kidding, but yeah I try to make them feel comfortable and whatnot. Have to or the scene wouldn't be good, you know?
M: Completely. How come we haven't done a scene together
D: No idea. Have to talk to my peoples and see what we can do. I would sure like to cum with you
B: What's the difference?
D: Well you can bust a nut and not really feel anything, more like when you're pissing. Now cumming...well that's a whole other level. I kid you not, you see stars and rainbows and shit.

D: I have a rule though. I try to not have sex with with my co-workers, but if we do, it's a one time thing. On screen? Cool. But off? Nah. Seen a couple of folks do it and feelings start happening. Then scenes start looking bad, people want to fight the actors when all they're doing is a job. Sorry, brah...sorry sis, that's community dick/pussy. We all get a taste.

How You Gonna Turn Down / Get Mad At Free Porn?

I was on BGOL* recently and there was a post with a video link. Dudes were jumping out shoes and socks** to say they ain't downloading. The chick wasn't ugly plus Brian and Wesley weren't in the clip. But nope, dudes acted like you were going to charge them a monthly fee. Umm...

IT'S FREE!

Sure you might be filling up space or your connection gets slow for a couple of minutes, but it's FREE! Has it really gotten to the point where we're eh about freebies since the net is a big wide open freebie paradise?** Disgusting. You're on a site that basically offers you gifts and you're like "Nah, it's too small". Muthafukka that could have been keys to a whip but nooooo you wanna be picky. That's why your ass is walking, dogs screaming in this heat. Yuk.

So yeah, I don't understand the dismissal of free porn***



*yes I like porn like every other red-blooded male with an internet connection.
**that is if you know where/how to look, but I know folks who couldn't find their emails so...
***if the link dies, oops. Also this isn't the vid in question. Actually I forgot.

I got to view a live Lesbian Sex Scene/Act

Favorite memory
Had no clue they were going to show up
That was the first performance of Lo-Fi, known to most of us as 3-7000-9
Remember the face you made when you first ever heard them at Black Lily? Same faces at NuYo hahaha
But I dug them then just like I still do. I believe Trace and Mercedez were there as well
Nou almost started a mini-riot by playfully saying "Fuck You" complete with the middle finger at Bobbito after someone reminded her of her time limit haha

Anyway this was pre-TFA (as you can tell by the time stamp) so you might hear some verses from the album.

Good times...good times

Ohandpardonthecommentaryheardinthevid

I Run Away And You Still Stay...

There's a story behind this, but I've told it way too many times. Plus I think she's tired of me constantly reminding her that I wish I could erase that particular memory. All I will say is after I heard this song, I wanted to thank Mr. J Davis for writing "Trash".



How did it start?
Well, I dont know.
I just feel the craving.
I see the flesh and it smells fresh.
And it's just there for the taking.
These little girls they make me feel so god damn
exhilarated.
I feel them up, I can't give it up.
The pain that I'm just erasing.

I tell my lies and I despise.
Every second I'm with you.
So I run away and you still stay.
So what the fuck is with you.

Your feelings I can't help but rape them.
I'm sorry I don't feel the same.
My heart inside is constantly hating.
I'm sorry I just throw you away.

I don't know why I'm so fucking cold?
I dont know why it hurts me.
All I wanna do is get with you.
And make the pain go away.
Why do I have a conscience?
All it does is fuck with me.
Why do I have this torment?
All I want to do is fuck it away.

I tell my lies and I despise.
Every second I'm with you.
So I run away and you still stay.
So what the fuck is with you.

Your feelings I can't help but rape them.
I'm sorry I don't feel the same.
My heart inside is constantly hating.
I'm sorry I just throw you away.

I tell my lies and I despise.
Every second I'm with you.
So I run away and you still stay.
So what the fuck is with you.

Your feelings I can't help but rape them.
I'm sorry I don't feel the same.
My heart inside is constantly hating.
I'm sorry I just throw you away.

I just throw you away.
I just throw you away.
I just throw you away.
I just throw you away.

Rappers Aren't Doing Their Part To Help The US Economy

Cats rhyming about how paid they are, talking about how they make millions and billions whenever the wind blows. But are they helping the economy? Nope.

They can't bail out at least three families from getting their home taken away? I mean you got niggas burning buildings with their baby and baby moms still inside all willy nilly. They can't help Ms. Jinkins or Mr. Washington?

Niggas ain’t hitting Norma Jeans, Strokers, or other fine erotic dancing outlets anymore. Where they're going? Rio. Why? The chicks there aren't dancing to put themselves through college (education = money, my nig).

I'm sure there are diamonds that are American farmed. No need to keep supporting wars in Africa over bling. Gold and Plat as well, stop buying foreign, dummies

Buy a 360, PS3 is Japanese made.

Caddies are out of style? You don’t like Fords? They made a two hour ad with Knight Rider and you can’t cop a Shelby? Dodge might be making a comeback. I hear Saturns are pretty good. Yall used to cop Cherokees with your Audis. Can't buy a Range? *shakes head*

Why go to Amsterdam for weed? Cali ain’t got that good good any more?

Why outsource when you have a bunch of foreigners here? You could pay them dirt cheap. You hear that Sean John, Rocafella, BBC/Ice Creams? No more going to China or India for inexpensive labor. They're *right here*

Nas and Busta hired a Brit to produce a song about ...the ills of fried chicken, one of the last great american export.

Fried chicken
Not pizza or
falafels or
sushi

Niggas done lost they way...
...and yall wonder why our econ is the way it is.

Rappers take our money, they can't help us?
They can't sponsor a Gas Day For The Ghetto? A Here's Your Fill Up You Bastards? Can't they holla at their peoples in Dubai, get them to lower the gas prices so Americans could drive their Hummers again.

STOP BEING SELFISH, MR. RAPPER!

These niggas are buying foreign shit, bragging about hitting Japan and exotic islands. What about America? Huh? What about the land that gave you two turntables and a mic?

NIGGAS WOULD DIE OVER SOME COASTAL SHIT, BUT THEY CAN'T HELP THE YOU ESS of AYE IN THIS TIME OF $4 GAS?!?!

The tickets to their shows should be cheaper as well. Do you know how much it went for a ticket to Prince’s 28th bday show in Detroit? Eighteen bucks. Granted that was 22 years ago, but still…yall got money, yall could take a lesser cut. The hell you need lasers and robots and smoke for? You're a fucking rapper!

Mr. Rapper, you're letting America down
...unless
...you really ain’t rich like that…

Race Done! History Made! One More To Go!

...heh

Maybe I need to talk more
BECAUSE I FEEL BETTER ALREADY
and I didn't get blessed yet

Fuck the job though
I shouldn't have given them that much energy
and even this is too much

Oh Prov...what are we going to do with you?

My job gives me Richard "Dixpop" Nichols moments

That basically means I go through this almost everyday:


Wooosah

I am so angry at the level of stupidity I have to go through. Let me run some down to you (and if you're offended by what I typed, deal):

-dumb french wench who can't even get a renewal from DECEMBER correct is gonna ask me about an invoice that just came out, if I'm gonna send it out. No wench, I'ma let it sit right there

-got a needy ass broad who gets shook when customers ask her a simple question

-have a regional manager who can't find proper words to properly explain a situation (and he's a english major) so shit becomes bigger than it should be (oh and thanks to him I'm on probation).

-have a manager who asks dumb questions like "Why wasn't the contract attached before you sent it to Invoicing?" Because I was handling other "priorities" so these fuckers could get bonuses. You know the ones we don't get, but we always carry the company. What do we get? Fucking lunch. Lunch...fuck outta here

-his manager wants to be fucking Braveheart with people

-have a brand new system that doesn't fucking work

-assholes that don't/won't understand that this new system is way different than the previous one, which is funny since THE SYSTEM WAS MADE BECAUSE YOU FUCKERS ARE TOO FUCKING LAZY TO DO ACTUAL WORK

-this prick is gonna send me an email saying "Thanks and we would really appreciate it if this gets invoiced in May (today)" right after I told the prick everyone is trying to have their shit invoiced for May so please be patient.

Wooosah

When the director and my manager's manager left, my division went to shit. We're running around like headless chickens. People are quick to have these long drawn out conversations about why shit didn't get done instead of trying to FIX the problem. And no, *censored*, that doesn't mean even more meaningless meetings, activities, exercises. Then they wonder why people leave (we had ten people leave last year). A former co-worker came to visit and I'll be damned if she didn't look fucking happy. I want to get there, I really do which leads to my own problems. I'm just angry at everything and that's so not me.

Music makes me happy, but that industry is dying quicker than bees in the winter.
Writing, though it's a constant battle, makes me happy, but that shit is just like the music industry. I'm feeling like I'm chasing young folks' dreams and that makes me even more depressed.

I'm too smart for this shit, but yet I can't seem to find a way out (let's face it, (well paying) jobs are getting less and less by the minute). Figured I'll look into Networking, but *sigh*

Wooosah

I'm so confused
I'm so angry
I'm so scared
I'm so...

*sigh*

What's the point?

And I know today's events shouldn't bother me, but we're going to dance this dance again tomorrow. Why? Because the prick's invoice didn't get produced and more than likely they're gonna say it's because I didn't attach the contract. Motherfucker, if it was that important, you should have made sure it was in on Thursday. If yall were smart, yall would have seen that alot of stuff didn't get invoiced. Why? BECAUSE EVERYBODY ELSE WERE TRYING TO GET THEIR SHIT INVOICED.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm waiting to get blessed so I can listen to this and get the smile they casually erased...

Young Hilary Clinton

Ouch

Here I Go Again

"Yo, god. I'm bored as shit. Ain't nobody to murk?"
"Relax, brah. I'll let you know what's up when I know what's up."
"Uggggh!"
"I know I know. I'm itching too, but we have to be patient. Play a game or something"
"God, I finished Grand Theft and these niggas on Live make want to murk someone even more."
"You know what you need? Some seafood. City Island?"
"Bet. These nuggets ain't did shit for me."
"You slumming again?"
"Sometimes you just get that urge for some McNuggets. And City Island ain't all that upscale."
"Ha! Just get ready. Some fresh air and water might do you some good. Thirty."
"Thirty."

"I'm a true Americana, don't like no red."
"Red?"
"You know...brits, commies, injuns, Red Sox..."
"I didn't know you were a Yankees fan."
"Watch your mouth. I'm a Braves fan."
"But you don't trust 'injuns'. Sheeeet you might be a 'Skins supporter too."
"Don't you mention them no more. I'm for God's team, the Cowboys."
"Lord jesus"
"Blasphemer!"

...it's something and if you know my style, it's always dialogue first as well as disjointed. It's something...trust me.

International...International...

We're Wrong Turn Vibin'

Remember when I spoke about the group me and my boys were in and how if I found a track I would up it (if not remind me to tell ya)? Here it is:

 And now for the story behind this (and remember some info may be missing since I had little to do with it)

Back in the dayz, we were young idealistic men who decided that rap music was going down the hole due to the influx of "gangsterism". When people mentioned hardcore, it's usually associated with gunplay, smoking, drinking, getting on hoes (sounds familiar?). To us hardcore was about the art, our gunplay was lyrics, we got high off of doing stuff like video games, making beats, shooting pool, etc. (sounds like De La, right?).

Everyone had a crew or a movement back then. Ours was called Wrong Turn, meaning what everyone else is doing, we're doing the opposite. Admirable. This was supposed to be our theme song, the song that lets people know what we were about

Anyway, our summers usually included a trip to Jones Beach for Greek Fest, but on this particular Saturday, Dre and I decided to skip it. We decided to work on some beats (I forgot where G was, probably was at the Fest haha). We had this sample that an associate gave us, but we couldn't figure out what to do with it. We're messing around when we came upon the drum sample used in ATCQ's "Can I Kick It". Drumbeat vinyl on the turns, sample in the tape player, and a bootleg way of connecting both to a four track. Dre manned the turns as I handled the tape deck. Like chocolate falling into some peanut butter, it worked causing us to go "Woooooooo!" Dre and I looked like we create a hit single or something. In the following days, Dre and G worked on the lyrics.

When they laid the track down, I had problems with my ear so I wasn't able to go. Surprisingly they claim that was the quickest session ever (bastards). Dre did the ad-libs I was supposed to, but around that time I was getting more in the spoken word (I had a plan that didn't really work because...well read on).

A few months later, Dre decided that rap wasn't his thing anymore (I'm guess it was more from people saying his sounds were dated or too Tribish than the love being gone. Of course I could be wrong). That was it; Mystic Odd Squad faded away only a memory to us three and the people who hung with us.

So yeah, things have changed; for the most part we like to take a couple of drinks now and then, I smoke, and the ideals we had at age 18/19 changed when we got closer to 23/24 (actually once we discover the joys of drinking and clubbing…well you know).

If you read through all of the above you deserve a treat (or two):

 

 

*chucks the deuce and gives the Pam*

1L2U,

Prov!?

It's Been A Long Time

...since I wrote something

Yep.
I wasn't bullshitting this time
Ain't ya proud?

...it's hard to be a man when there's a gun in your hand

For some reason, that line stuck to me more than the others. Maybe I thought it was poetic.

Or maybe...
Nah (ie don't read suicide haha please don't)

Anyway it's been an interestingly down weekend. I need to soak in the sun. I feel that yearly beach yearning. Gonna make it happen, that's my word...

~Fin~: A Really Short Fiction

Tuesday April 8th, 2008
7:43am

They say the everyday grind will eventually kill you. I used to smirk at such a ridiculous notion, but today? Today I am a believer as my hand is suddenly cold and stiff. I try to move my fingers to bring back some sort of circulation, but it is proving to be an exercise of futility. Here I am, on the back of the BXM9 heading to my sale associate position at Green-Taylor Publications in Chelsea. Sitting here realizing I am losing this fight to remain conscious as I glare at the water by the FDR. Failing to form a call for help, I try to replace my fear with false courage. Like a bad pun, I’m scared to death.

I have so much to do, to see, to accomplish, but God has a sick sense of humor as Depeche Mode once sang. So sudden, no chance to prepare myself, but when has death decided to play a considerate host to the after-life. Is there an after-life? As much as I dismiss the Bible, I find myself mentally praying. Maybe it was one last plea. Why would God want to help someone who doubts He even exists? I decide to not continue my act and just give in to whatever is about to happen.

On my iPod Touch, the current song selection rests on a Nine Inch Nails song that would be perfect for this send off I didn’t expect nor want:



staring at the sea
will she come?
is there hope for me
after all is said and done
anything at any price
all of this for you
all the spoils of a wasted life
all of this for you
all the world has closed her eyes
tried faith all worn and thin
for all we could have done
and all that could have been

ocean pulls me close
and whispers in my ear
the destiny I've chose
all becoming clear
the currents have their say
the time is drawing near
washes me away
makes me disappear

I descend from grace
in arms of undertow
I will take my place
in the great below

I can still feel you
even so far away

And with my eyes close
My breath slowing
My face calm and at peace
Slightly slump my body and take in the final ray of light I could feel on the back on my eyelids. And with my last thought, she appears, punctual and exact. Stacey. As much as I was fooling myself, as much as I didn’t want to admit or realize she was the woman I was in love with. Miscommunication and outside interferences caused us to part on not so friendly terms. I find myself mouthing these words: “What have I d…”

I can still feel you
even so far away

Dear Elderly People

Move to the side and let me through
Step to the rear like Grand Puba is arriving and let the quicker people get on the bus.

I swear these elderly people do not realize the importance of time and speed. Congestion pricing? Sheeeet we need a fast lane on the sidewalks, my nig. I respect like 75% of my elders, but come on


*also if I'm turning and you're crossing the street, please put a pep in your step. I'm not getting the car fucked up because you want to enjoy the sunshine. STEP IT UP! Your slow ass probably lost me a parking spot. This is for everyone.

**also if you and your friend are sitting together on the bus, right? And your friend gets off before you, DON'T FUCKING SIT ON THE OUTSIDE ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE SITTING UP FRONT. Don't you practice time management at work? You know you can use that skill in real life, right?

I need a drink...

1L2U,
Prov!?

Affected by the E Gee Oh

After starting a few writing jawns, I noticed I favor first person instead of the typical third. I might have a few reasons why:

-Since I like to observe people (which I've been slacking on lately), I would rather write from that aspect.
-To me, it's way easier than third person. Like seriously do we really care about the other person's background?
-I flirt with the idea of writing a screenplay and ten times out of eleven ain't nobody really caring about the other person's thoughts.
-Mofo, I was a poet/spoken word artists this how we talk haha.

So yeah...that's basically it. Oh and Betsy is now Bekka, sister of an illegal drug dealer in East Harlem. It *might* be sent to 50 Yrs From Now, but we'll get to that when we get to that.

Naimean?
-Prov!?

WTF, yo, WTF?

Why is...
When I'm unsober...
I get the most fucked up news?

Never fucking fails...
Never fucking falls...

Keep my father in your prayers

Betsy*

petite
hispanic
black curly-wavish hair
small closed to the skin nose ring
tongue ring (with a dice as the head)
glasses (almost like bifocals)
smokes Nat Sherman Naturals Mint
carries a .22 in her sidebag along with:
-lipgloss
-maroon lipstick
-a copy of "Don't Worry, Make Money" and this month's "Vibe"
-a small pack of Trojan Lubricated and a small of pack of Trojan Flavored
-a small bottle of KY Warming jelly
BX tat on back of shoulder

Oh...in case you're wondering, this is an idea for a character. Don't ask for what, but one day it might all make sense.

1L2U,
Prov!/

Luv

Damn luv
I messed up my credit because of you, luv
I hated being in love with you, luv
But gotdam if I didn't like being in you, luv
Was that too vulgar, luv?
Was that TMI, luv?
Fuck it, luv, it felt good, like real good
Until it ended, luv
As much as I wanted to get back in
You told me to slow down, luv

Remember when I met your cousin, luv
Thought it was you, luv
Looked real tasty, luv
Oh don't get mad, luv
Led me straight to you, right, luv?

But you know what it was, luv
It was your heart, luv
Bigger than the moon above, luv
Luv, did you love me like I loved you?
Remember when I said I hated you, luv?
I didn't really mean that, luv
But the pain you caused, luv?
Wooooooo, I don't want to go through that again, luv
Yet I kinda do, luv
just to see if I could take it, luv
Thanks to you, I'm stronger, luv

Don't worry, luv
I've stop comparing you to your cousin, luv
Do you want me back, luv?
Cause if you posed that question to me, luv
No hesitation on my part, luv
So, luv, you're ready to try again?

How does it feel?

So...
I'm taking a break
From my former "home"
We've been here before, right?
Job
School
NAACP
Nuyorican

And by even making this blog about it is well...dumb.
It's not that big of a deal
Got bored
Logged off
Lurked after a couple of days
Realized I've been wasting time
and 90% of us (including myself) are boring

So hmmm...get life going or continue to be boring.

Matter of fact, let's have some words from Mr. Neil Tennant of a wonderful group, the Pet Shop Boys

I came across a cache of old photos
And invitations to teenage parties
"Dress in white" one said, with quotations
From someone's wife, a famous writer
In the nineteen-twenties
When you're young you find inspiration
In anyone who's ever gone
And opened up a closing door
She said: "We were never feeling bored

'Cause we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: "Make amends"
And we were never holding back or worried that
Time would come to an end

When I went I left from the station
With a haversack and some trepidation
Someone said: "If you're not careful
You'll have nothing left and nothing to care for
In the nineteen-seventies"
But I sat back and looking forward
My shoes were high and I had scored
I'd bolted through a closing door
I would never find myself feeling bored

'Cause we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: "Make amends"
And we were never holding back or worried that
Time would come to an end
We were always hoping that, looking back
You could always rely on a friend

Now I sit with different faces
In rented rooms and foreign places
All the people I was kissing
Some are here and some are missing
In the nineteen-nineties
I never dreamt that I would get to be
The creature that I always meant to be
But I thought in spite of dreams
You'd be sitting somewhere here with me

'Cause we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: "Make amends"
And we were never holding back or worried that
Time would come to an end
We were always hoping that, looking back
You could always rely on a friend

And we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: "Make amends"
And we were never being boring
We were never being bored
'Cause we were never being boring
We were never being bored

Word...
1L2U,
Prov!?

Banging my head on the desk

Something has to give
Something will give
When you become more absorbed in a virtual world than the one you have to live in...
Something has to give

Don't Speak

How many times
must my tongue be tied
to avoid
being demoted
in the circle of
associates

If you value
my honesty
why should I
hold my tongue

Self-absorbed
Self-doubting
All in the name
of popularity

Tribe mentality
outweighing
honesty and
growth
Continued
to replay the
same mistakes
in sequence

The Truth and Lies Of Astrology Email FFWDs

Got this from a homie of mine (shakes head), but I'ma focus on my sign, saying how right or wrong they are.

LEO - The Boss ( July 23 - Aug 22)
Very organized.
-I'm quite the opposite. I'm quite sloppy actually. Bugged the hell outta my ex, but *shrugs*

Need order in their lives - like being in control.
-Well yeah...that way if shit fails it's on me. Without order, there is chaos. I mean I love me some chaos, but there are times when order is needed.

Like boundaries
-I like to know where I stand

Tend to take over everything.
-Not really, but if you're wasting my time...

Bossy.
-see above

Like to help others.
-I got that from my mama

Social and outgoing.
-could be if I really really wanted to. I'm more of an observer.

Extroverted.
-see above

Generous, warm-hearted.
-guilty

Sensitive.
-guilty. I'm an artist

Creative energy.
-see above

Full of themselves.
-cmon now...I mean yeah I think I'm the greatest mofo around and would be deadly if I wasn't so lazy haha

Loving.
-oh fa sho

Doing the right thing is important to Leos.
-Indeed. Shout out to Spike Lee

Attractive.
-that's what the ladies say

I do believe in astrology to a point, but man...
Wait...
I didn't really disprove anything, did I?
Just spoke about myself, huh?
Haha see that's my ego talking *winks*

1L2U,
Prov!?

Dear 1990 - 1992 Ice Cube,

I'm sorry.

There I said it. It's out of my mind, a weight has been lifted, and I can breathe fresh air again. Yes 90 to 92 Ice Cube, I'm sorry that I doubted you back in 1989, when I heard Straight Outta Compton. I mean you were cool, but when it came to the mcs in NWA, it went: 1) Ren, 2) Eazy, 3) you, Ice Cube, and 4) Dre. Like for serious, my dude, you were third on the list. Yeah I'm shocked too. Now don't get crazy when I say this, but umm...I thought Ren should have went solo. Chill chill chill. I mean "Quiet On The Set" was haaawwwwwwd. Man, was it knocking. I think I was amazed at how he flowed on that track, with a slight rapidfire cadence. Cmon, you had to give it up to him, he said some hard gangsta shit on that album.

But yeah, when you left, I was a bit puzzled. When I heard you had a solo album coming, I gave the "Is that fool crazy?" look. Honestly the only reason why I bought Amerikkkaz Most Wanted was because it was produced by the Bomb Squad. Back then, I was a huuuuuge Bomb Squad and Public Enemy fan. Almost anyone that was down with them got a pass, hence me purchasing your debut album. Oh what a day, fresh after saying goodbye to Rice High School and dreaming of performing with the Native Tongues at the Apollo, went to the local record store, to hold your cassette in my hands. After placing it in the player, I was pleasantly surprised, but was still waiting for MC Ren to drop his jawn (boy was I wrong when the ep came out)

So how did I come to my senses? Well tonight I listened to "A Bird In The Hand", "Who's The Mack", "The Nigga You Love To Hate", the title track to the debut, and "Dead Homiez". My man, Ike Moses mentioned "A Bird In The Hand" and I zoned out. Tripped back to hearing the beat selling malt liquor while riding around aimlessly on a New York summer Saturday night. Mostly played on 105.9, the commercial would be mixed it with the 12 inches being played by Awesome Two, the Dirty Dozens, and Half-Pint. Being anxious to cop Death Certificate (or did I "borrow" that? Oh wait! I had the tape and later borrowed the CD hahaha*ahem*). Nearly shitting myself when I find had a hard copy of that St. Ides beat with you spitting some good ass lyrics. Incredible.

But now, after close to twenty years, I've come to realize the error of my ways (and not because Ren's solo career didn't take off like I thought it would. Shit I didn't even think Dre would amount to anything. I would make a poor A&R). Granted you can't go back to your greatness
and your "I Don't Give A Fuck" attitude (man you want after Arsenio, KRS, New Jack Swing, Hammer, folks dancing, and Afrocentricity), but listening to the first three albums, I kinda wish you did. Supposedly your new single has you back in form, but like Kane with Looks Like A Job For, the album might be a let down. And yes I know people evolve and you have a family, no longer in the streets, and doing family movies (is it true you don't let your kids listen to rap? Jeez...feeling kinda guilty, huh?). Wait this is an apology haha, but yeah. So yeah, my bad, Cube

1L2U,
Prov!?