Mainly because I keep saying I'm 36 (that's not until August 4th). So of course you start thinking "Four more years til 40. What do you have to show for it?"
And the answer comes back: Nothing.
Now THIS is probably how folks approaching 30 feel and I should be thinking "It ain't that bad". Then you look around. "It really is that bad."
-no real prospects. Those that were are boo'd up, pregnant, or something
-when people ask me what's new, I respond "Remember how it was the last time we've talked? It's the same."
-got placed on probation because honestly I was pissed at how we are treated every year so I slacked off
-directionless
-at times I feel lonely
-at times I am alone
-I've been in the past waaaaaay too much. I'm wishing there was a time machine or somehow granted special time controlling powers so I could tell my former self "Nigga, go away for college. This rap thing isn't gonna happen" or "You should have never went full time so soon and left the library five years earlier" or "Maybe you should have networked better."
-I think I've geeked out too hard this year
So if you've been wondering why I haven't been out and about, those are some of the reasons why. Like what do I have to offer? Do these people who I call friends, that? Have I pushed my friends away?
"...like my father..." © Prince, "When Doves Cry"
Bah, I need to let that one go.
I don't know.
I'll probably get out of this funk soon...
I hope...
Inshallah...
(and no I'm not suicidal (just wanted to put that out there)).
No comments:
Post a Comment