Confession #1

I write hot shit
like two girls and one cup shit
Take this hit and let's see what happens shit
Build up the anticipation just to bring it down
Ya hear that? That's the Creator Blessing sound
Basically s/he granted you a front row seat
To bear witness to this incredible feat
where I
Make you a believer
While I
front as a deceiver
It's so cleeeeeeva, wish you would have done it
But now tag along and see how many people run this
Arrogantly elegant
Most of what we're talking, irrelevant
I was given a gift, so now I'm strictly hellbent
On finding that middle, that road, that journey
Don't stop believing, sheeet, better start believing sheeeet
That gift is a given and that gift could be taken
All the while sulking and sobbing over step mistaken
Still hard to be a man with a gun in your hand
But gotdam that pistol looks purty from where you stand
and where do we stand? Lovers, friends, frienemies, whatever
Saying we don't want no titles, thinking we're so clever
I still miss you, but that could be from not occupying time
With someone else who would put you straight out my mind
Five years now? This is all I have to show
Some pics, a flick, some tix on how our story did unfold
I still wanna hold you tight in these cold nights
and lick your clit real right
That's vulgar of me, but please believe
I wanna see your left fist grabbing that sheet
Between the folds that's the way love goes
Or lust as you once retold
Our story to someone else, maybe that's why I'm
Stuck...
...fuck

Any ol' way...
I paid my way to this hotel I saw once before
The door used to be closed now there's a key in the lock
Twist it for the *click* and see what it opens
Sometimes I feel unexcited like I know what's behind
My mind losing its mind trying to combine what I'm hoping to find
Talking to myself because the creativity is flowing
too hard and too fast to mentally dam
So I matrixed myself into a reality more pleasing
but it's easing me to a start where
I don't know if
I could hold on to
The sanity I thought was
unbreakable
I'm done
I'm tired
I'm scared
I'm angry
I'm honest
but a liar just to see if I could get away with it
Now the lies are crashing forward and I have no net
So I continue to fuel my lie over this interwebnet
But the shine is gone
My shine is gone
What's hot in the streets ain't the kid
but the lessons the kid thought he laid
"I cherish the twilight"
Talk like that is what got her
Gone
Talk to a shrink and they'll tell you
something you know isn't the problem
Stress =/= abuse
Loneliness =/= abuse
But abuse does bring those two together
Get it together
'Cestors, bless me
But even my mother said the angels gave up on me
...ain't that some shit?

"The only keys I pushed were the ones for the locks on the door I had to open when I was ten years old..."