The War of Art

Books

I read them, but easily bored by them. Maybe I don't have the attention span or I get too busy to finish them, but at times, like writing, I just can't keep the focus or the drive. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I love reading, just at this point, with a piling plate, books aren't on that list.

My dear friend and "Skipper" to my "Ken", Autumn and I were talking about creative drives and what usually blocks them. "You ever read the book The War of Art by Steven Pressfield?" to which I replied no. "You should, I think it will help you out."

Ugh...books...

After she mentioned it at least three times, decided to bite the bullet and order a copy. Man alive, that was one of the best recommendations I've gotten in a long while. I feel so empowered, it's incredible. We as creatives have so many obstacles and stumbling blocks it's kinda hard to not give up and become a mindless drones.

A few gems:
-Resistance is the fear from within
-a pro takes criticism, but doesn't let it affect their work
-Resistance is a distraction (tv, drugs, internet, sex, family, friends)
-(and when I start my new job) "We only have rights to our work, not the fruits of said work" (meaning what comes from the work produced is not as important as doing the work itself)

While I haven't finished the book yet (can't wait to get to the Muse chapter), I feel like how I did when I first took African Studies...illuminated (not to be confused with Illuminati).

So please...pick up this book, you won't regret it. Matter of fact...read some for yourself

History

While doing some much needed cleaning, I came across a Ticketmaster envelope. Thought nothing of it and was about to throw it away until I felt something inside. No lie, when I opened it up, I saw a bright light and heard a choral in the background. Inside were...ticket stubs, stubs I thought I lost but now found.

Here are some of my prized stubs (starting top clockwise):

1) Okayplayer Tour (Winter Mini-Tour with Def Jux and Pete Rock & CL Smooth)
This was a cool little tour and the Roots are my favorite group to see live. If you haven't seen them live, you're missing out, especially if you love live music. The Def Jux crew was okay, but nothing really to write home about. However I was amped to see Pete Rock & CL Smooth rock (no pun intended), being that I never saw them perform live. Also with the supposed riff, this was something that had to be seen. Was not disappointed, just seeing CL get live to some of their classic hits was enough for me.

Another thing I remembered was seeing it with Fredara, who later told me it was a date haha. If only I had known...(Rain check?) . It was also funny how she spent some of her time looking for some place to charge her phone during the Def Jux portion of the show.

2) Prince (Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction Show)
A reminder for those new, which is probably most of you, I am a die hard Prince fan. He's the reason why I lost interest in playing classical music, much to the chagrin of my Russian piano teacher. The reason...man, that's for another post. Let's just say he's a major influence of mine, no matter that he's releasing, in my opinion, sub-par material now.

Anyway this was my very first Prince show...ever. Remember a friend of mine kept looking at me. Asked her why and her reply was "I wanted to see if you were going to cry." Thanks...but I ain't crying over no man (well not one living, I did when Dilla died). I did, however, get excited when I saw the brown and black guitar (the one used during Computer Blues). Yes he did wear heels that lit up when he walked haha. Yes some of his fans are out there (a mother yelled at her daughter to not drop the flowers she brought for Prince). Yes I didn't get home until 3am and had to go to work the next day. Would I do it again? Cmon now...

3) Okayplayer Tour (2000)
I remember showing up late for this one haha, but the energy was awesome. I believe on the bill was The Roots, dead prez, Flo Brown, Jaguar Wright, and I think Jill Scott. The second leg in Nov is the one I remember the most, mainly because I was with my ex during the blissful times haha (also remember yelling at a white chick who stepped on her coat. "That's kinda sexy"---ex)

4) A Tribe Called Quest (Farewell Tour)
To say Tribe was a part of my life would be an understatement. Their albums were the soundtracks to whatever phase I was in my life from high school to mid/late twenties. So going to this heartbreaking show was a must.

Usually I would go with my brothers, but they couldn't make it so I went solo. Great show and I remember trying to get them to do Lyrics to Go haha. Fondest memory was seeing Slum Village (complete with Dilla) for the first time. Crowd wasn't really feeling them until they did "I Don't Know". Remember a group of dudes singing along after relating; guess they had a homie they didn't know why they messed with haha.

5) De La Soul (Tramps)
De La Soul also falls into the same category as Tribe as far as being an influence. They showed us that you can be different and still get love (kind of like the Nerd/Geek Era we're going through now). Another great show. If you hear Tribe, De La, or the Roots are coming to your town, buy tickets immediately!

This is also the show that was recorded as well as Posdnuos showing up late due to the birth of his son, I believe. This was also the show where afterwards I called my ex in England, which is a long story I rather not get into. I will say the question I asked her was...stupid.

6) What Is Jazz Festival (Roots, Vernon Reid, Erykah Badu)
Besides seeing them at the Nuyorican Poets Cafe, this was my very first Roots concert (wow!). Interestingly enough I can't remember what songs they did or how the show was. I do remember being amazed at Vernon Reid's set, which was also my first time seeing him live. However the main draw was a young unknown singer who had New York on their ears when she released a song called "On and On". I believe this was her first show ever in NY. Headwrap, offering table, incense, yep. Remember the last song on the Love Below where Dre talks about the show he met Erykah at? This was it.

7) Black Lily (Last BL Show at Wetlands)
Almost every Sunday from 1999 to 2001, I used to go to Wetlands to see the lovely ladies of Black Lily perform. It was a showcase for Jazzfatnastees, Jaguar Wright, and 3-7000-9 with a female first open mic. Always a wonderful way to end the weekend to see the ladies get their shine. Also in attendance was Fishbone, who perfomed earlier the night. Wanted to say something to Angelo but fear over took me.

Usually after Black Lily, we would walk with our New Jersey friends to the PATH station at the World Trade. For some reason, maybe due to spent energy, we decided against that and took regular transit. The following Tuesday, the towers and the station were no more...


So yeah, those are why they are my prized possession. Have to find a way to preserve them better...

The (Blogs) Won't Let Me Chill

My wonderful, beautiful, and talented friend, Dr. Fredara Hadley, asked me why I stopped blogging. There's a simple answer:

Boredom

Not like I haven't tweeted most of my life away already, so what's the purpose of a blog? Then it hit me:

I write to keep sane (DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?)

Plus some of my previous posts were, if I can jump on my own dick for a minute, really good. I doubt myself way too much and I'm still learning how to at least keep it at bay. I'm a Leo, damnit, I'm supposed to have an ego. There's a reason why I don't wild out and it deals with a moon in Libra; balance/peace/harmony.* As much as I want to be the star of the story, I know my limitations and weaknesses.

Anywaves...

Still on my Staycation, still pondering, still have no exciting answer to "So what you've been up to?", still making beats (which I'm happy to say I've been improving on), still P.R.O.V

Some new things:
-a new dog, who goes apeshit whenever he sees me. How can you not love something/one that loves you unconditionally?
-a suit for a wedding that had an interesting turn of events for me (don't ask)
-going to Vegas for the first time to hang with some good,good friends whom (?) I miss dearly. Also I need to get away from New York
-dad needs another surgery :-(

Hmm...yeah that's about it. Once I figure out what I want to talk about (or at least a sense of where to take this blog), I'll post more. Until then...

1L2U,
Prov!?

*Did this muthafukka just use astrology? Why yes he did

**pardon if this post seem disjointed, I'm 1) being too lazy to edit, 2) unsober, and 3) listening to Straight Outta Compton. Speaking of NWA, I think I've gotten "old". When I say "old", I mean like your parents when they heard you playing this. You felt it was the best shit ever and they didn't get it because they were out of touch. Your parents hated it because every third word was a curse. Yeah that's me, kinda over the profanity (see? I even typed a "proper parental" word). Anyway, I promise to do better in the upcoming posts. Just wanted to say Hi (or Welcome).

Been a while, huh?

Hiya folks, Prov here. Been a minute, right? Wondering what has been going on. Wellll...

-my stay @ the old job was shorter than expected
-been on "vacation" since January. Haven't been looking for a new job, because...
-been using this time to clear my head. Some progress has been made.
-working more on the music, even got some "work". Should be interesting/fun
-need a green thumb? That's what I've been doing this summer, planting. Kinda good at it too
-dad's been in the hospital twice. Hated every minute of it now I have a dislike for hospitals
-been driving more. Driving is actually fun...when you don't deal with dickheads (pardon)
-and...ummm...hmmm...

Can't think of anything else, but MAN has this been boring. I think it's time to look for something, huh?

Ah well...
See ya when I see ya
1L2U,
Prov!?

...say wha?

First: HIYA! I missed you too (whoever you may be)

Second:

Third (the main topic): I was at a cookout and met a dude who was part of a crew that had a couple of hits. Not sure if the crew is together because the main member decided to be in Miami than in New York. We got to talking and he asked if I DJ'ed, which I kinda do if you like amateur shit. I told him I did beats, but mainly for hobby. Basically he was looking for a new direction so he asked who I listened to. I ran down the list and got...

"Nah never heard of them"

Them = Dilla, Waajeed, Little Brother, Dwele, Flying Lotus, Wale, J'Davey, Little Dragon

Me = :-(

Then it hit me...even if you're in the industry, you do not know who is out there unless their songs are pimped to Viacom or Clear Channel. Even more shocking was that his crew hung with underground cats for a while.

Being the person that I am, I played him some Dilla.

"This is hot. How many records did he sell?"

:-( * 2

I kinda want to lead him to the goodness that is Left of Center, but the people I like do not make money. This road will get him props, but no ends. This road will have him on the road for a long stretch of time with little cash coming in. C.R.E.A.M. is real, yo and he proved it to me.

Jeez...
Maybe heads were right..."You like them niggas that are broke and struggling."
Birds of a feather...

This hasn't been a good 35th year...

Mainly because I keep saying I'm 36 (that's not until August 4th). So of course you start thinking "Four more years til 40. What do you have to show for it?"

And the answer comes back: Nothing.

Now THIS is probably how folks approaching 30 feel and I should be thinking "It ain't that bad". Then you look around. "It really is that bad."

-no real prospects. Those that were are boo'd up, pregnant, or something
-when people ask me what's new, I respond "Remember how it was the last time we've talked? It's the same."
-got placed on probation because honestly I was pissed at how we are treated every year so I slacked off
-directionless
-at times I feel lonely
-at times I am alone
-I've been in the past waaaaaay too much. I'm wishing there was a time machine or somehow granted special time controlling powers so I could tell my former self "Nigga, go away for college. This rap thing isn't gonna happen" or "You should have never went full time so soon and left the library five years earlier" or "Maybe you should have networked better."
-I think I've geeked out too hard this year

So if you've been wondering why I haven't been out and about, those are some of the reasons why. Like what do I have to offer? Do these people who I call friends, that? Have I pushed my friends away?

"...like my father..." © Prince, "When Doves Cry"

Bah, I need to let that one go.

I don't know.

I'll probably get out of this funk soon...









I hope...







Inshallah...
(and no I'm not suicidal (just wanted to put that out there)).

So I said...

Prov, we're going to compose two beats today.
I said self, you have a deal

Timechange¹


Float¹


Then I said, Self...you know you make hellified good ass interlude beats
To which I answered...

...thanks.

¹Don't ask about the titles. I just throw them out there, depending on the mood.

God Bless The Life Of Weldon Irvine

For those who may not know who he is:
http://www.nathanielturner.com/weldonirvine.htm

I had the honor of meeting him sometime in the mid to late 90s. Back then I used to go to this open mic at the Nuyorican Poets Cafe called "All That!", hosted by Bobbito Garcia and produced by Rocky Lamontagne. Some folks that performed were: Saul Williams, muMs da Schemer, Suheir Hammad, Rich Medina, Wood Harris, Siah & Yeshua Da PoEd, Company Flow, Mos Def, and Jessica Care Moore. If you were an underground mc or a poet in New York City, you had to hit that Lower East Side spot. Nuyo was where I considered home, a place that gave me some of the five best years of my life.

One night, there was a older gentleman wearing a red satin jacket and black jeans who got on the mic. Being the young folks that we were, we kinda laughed at this old man getting on the mic to rhyme, going by a weak name. Master Wel. After a while he had the crowd going, not because he was spitting dat hot fiyah, but because he had the spirit of hip hop in him. Bobbito informed us of that Master Wel was Weldon Irvine. My friend Issac's eyes lit up, but I was in the dark.

M: Who is that?
I: Weldon Irvine, man. Wow. I even have "Time Capsule" in my bag. I carry this everywhere I go.

Still in the dark, Bobbito went on to tell us such classics as BDP's "My Philosophy" and A Tribe Called Quest's "Award Tour" were Weldon's samples. That gave him more props from the audience because those were songs we held. In either 96 or 97, we had a special private performance at the Whitney Museum where I was one of the poets. During our waiting, a conversation between Saul and another brother about, what else, music started. One statement stood out: If "Award Tour" was released then, it would still be live. That's how much props Weldon, in a roundabout way, received from us that Wednesday night at NuYo.

Weldon Irvine also played keyboards for us when the regular couldn't show up. I will admit that sometimes what he played didn't fit what I had in mind, but it was dope regardless. A kind and humble man that would take time out to say "I really dug what you said out there" or answer questions you may have had for him. I remember telling my friend Dudley, who was a fan, about him playing at the NuYo and Weldon signed a copy of Embrace the Positive for him.

One thing I will always remember was how much he would mentioned his young son. In a way, I guess by him rhyming during the time of gun play and popping champagne, he was showing his son an essence of hip hop. The essence of rhythmically reciting a poem about life, struggle, hope, and price. Okay I got a little too overboard there, but hopefully I gave you a view to see what I saw, sitting in my chair listening to him rhyme.

I think I'll stop here before I over-romanticize, leading me to start revising the past into something it wasn't. I will say that his death shocked me and hip hop lost a solider. It was very impressive, in my opinion, to see a jazz legend embrace an artform that some of his peers would consider either not music or thievery. Sampling actually brought us to them; what made us take notice and appreciate.

Damnit.
There I go again.

Okay I'm done writing, but after listening to "Sisters" last night, it brought back memories and sadness. Here are some of videos to illustrate this man's work:

Dear Summer


We're Getting Down:


Sister Sanctified:


Nina Simone - Young Gifted and Black


Donny Hathaway's version


Mos Def - Umi Says


God bless your life, Master Wel. We miss and love you.

1L2U,
Improv!?

Wowzers!

Thank you, dad

For you didn't have to take me to see crappy movies such as this:



but you did. For that, on this Father's Day, good looking out. Love you, man.

...it's hard to be a man when there's a gun in your hand

For some reason, that line stuck to me more than the others. Maybe I thought it was poetic.

Or maybe...
Nah (ie don't read suicide haha please don't)

Anyway it's been an interestingly down weekend. I need to soak in the sun. I feel that yearly beach yearning. Gonna make it happen, that's my word...

Luv

Damn luv
I messed up my credit because of you, luv
I hated being in love with you, luv
But gotdam if I didn't like being in you, luv
Was that too vulgar, luv?
Was that TMI, luv?
Fuck it, luv, it felt good, like real good
Until it ended, luv
As much as I wanted to get back in
You told me to slow down, luv

Remember when I met your cousin, luv
Thought it was you, luv
Looked real tasty, luv
Oh don't get mad, luv
Led me straight to you, right, luv?

But you know what it was, luv
It was your heart, luv
Bigger than the moon above, luv
Luv, did you love me like I loved you?
Remember when I said I hated you, luv?
I didn't really mean that, luv
But the pain you caused, luv?
Wooooooo, I don't want to go through that again, luv
Yet I kinda do, luv
just to see if I could take it, luv
Thanks to you, I'm stronger, luv

Don't worry, luv
I've stop comparing you to your cousin, luv
Do you want me back, luv?
Cause if you posed that question to me, luv
No hesitation on my part, luv
So, luv, you're ready to try again?

Don't Speak

How many times
must my tongue be tied
to avoid
being demoted
in the circle of
associates

If you value
my honesty
why should I
hold my tongue

Self-absorbed
Self-doubting
All in the name
of popularity

Tribe mentality
outweighing
honesty and
growth
Continued
to replay the
same mistakes
in sequence

The Truth and Lies Of Astrology Email FFWDs

Got this from a homie of mine (shakes head), but I'ma focus on my sign, saying how right or wrong they are.

LEO - The Boss ( July 23 - Aug 22)
Very organized.
-I'm quite the opposite. I'm quite sloppy actually. Bugged the hell outta my ex, but *shrugs*

Need order in their lives - like being in control.
-Well yeah...that way if shit fails it's on me. Without order, there is chaos. I mean I love me some chaos, but there are times when order is needed.

Like boundaries
-I like to know where I stand

Tend to take over everything.
-Not really, but if you're wasting my time...

Bossy.
-see above

Like to help others.
-I got that from my mama

Social and outgoing.
-could be if I really really wanted to. I'm more of an observer.

Extroverted.
-see above

Generous, warm-hearted.
-guilty

Sensitive.
-guilty. I'm an artist

Creative energy.
-see above

Full of themselves.
-cmon now...I mean yeah I think I'm the greatest mofo around and would be deadly if I wasn't so lazy haha

Loving.
-oh fa sho

Doing the right thing is important to Leos.
-Indeed. Shout out to Spike Lee

Attractive.
-that's what the ladies say

I do believe in astrology to a point, but man...
Wait...
I didn't really disprove anything, did I?
Just spoke about myself, huh?
Haha see that's my ego talking *winks*

1L2U,
Prov!?

Dear 1990 - 1992 Ice Cube,

I'm sorry.

There I said it. It's out of my mind, a weight has been lifted, and I can breathe fresh air again. Yes 90 to 92 Ice Cube, I'm sorry that I doubted you back in 1989, when I heard Straight Outta Compton. I mean you were cool, but when it came to the mcs in NWA, it went: 1) Ren, 2) Eazy, 3) you, Ice Cube, and 4) Dre. Like for serious, my dude, you were third on the list. Yeah I'm shocked too. Now don't get crazy when I say this, but umm...I thought Ren should have went solo. Chill chill chill. I mean "Quiet On The Set" was haaawwwwwwd. Man, was it knocking. I think I was amazed at how he flowed on that track, with a slight rapidfire cadence. Cmon, you had to give it up to him, he said some hard gangsta shit on that album.

But yeah, when you left, I was a bit puzzled. When I heard you had a solo album coming, I gave the "Is that fool crazy?" look. Honestly the only reason why I bought Amerikkkaz Most Wanted was because it was produced by the Bomb Squad. Back then, I was a huuuuuge Bomb Squad and Public Enemy fan. Almost anyone that was down with them got a pass, hence me purchasing your debut album. Oh what a day, fresh after saying goodbye to Rice High School and dreaming of performing with the Native Tongues at the Apollo, went to the local record store, to hold your cassette in my hands. After placing it in the player, I was pleasantly surprised, but was still waiting for MC Ren to drop his jawn (boy was I wrong when the ep came out)

So how did I come to my senses? Well tonight I listened to "A Bird In The Hand", "Who's The Mack", "The Nigga You Love To Hate", the title track to the debut, and "Dead Homiez". My man, Ike Moses mentioned "A Bird In The Hand" and I zoned out. Tripped back to hearing the beat selling malt liquor while riding around aimlessly on a New York summer Saturday night. Mostly played on 105.9, the commercial would be mixed it with the 12 inches being played by Awesome Two, the Dirty Dozens, and Half-Pint. Being anxious to cop Death Certificate (or did I "borrow" that? Oh wait! I had the tape and later borrowed the CD hahaha*ahem*). Nearly shitting myself when I find had a hard copy of that St. Ides beat with you spitting some good ass lyrics. Incredible.

But now, after close to twenty years, I've come to realize the error of my ways (and not because Ren's solo career didn't take off like I thought it would. Shit I didn't even think Dre would amount to anything. I would make a poor A&R). Granted you can't go back to your greatness
and your "I Don't Give A Fuck" attitude (man you want after Arsenio, KRS, New Jack Swing, Hammer, folks dancing, and Afrocentricity), but listening to the first three albums, I kinda wish you did. Supposedly your new single has you back in form, but like Kane with Looks Like A Job For, the album might be a let down. And yes I know people evolve and you have a family, no longer in the streets, and doing family movies (is it true you don't let your kids listen to rap? Jeez...feeling kinda guilty, huh?). Wait this is an apology haha, but yeah. So yeah, my bad, Cube

1L2U,
Prov!?

I Miss

the way you made me feel like I was invincible/immortal/incredible/irresistible/important/able to be myself

Sometimes...

I want to punch the sky

just to see it cry

Fist held high like

Winning the 200-meter gold in 68

and levitate over heads

like the god I am

Become immortal

as the man I am

Chooser of Destinies

Controller of Pathways

*sigh*

I really
really
really
do not care
about my job
anymore

The End

Had the wildest dream/thought last night

It was that when I closed my eyes...
and go into a deep sleep...
I would wake up...
and not remember anything. Like my mind was wiped clean like an eraser board. Personally, I think that would be an interesting event. Would you try to piece your life together or would you just pick up and bounce, starting anew?

Then it becomes the question of how much of your mind/memory were cleared. Would it be like a newborn? Would I know how to walk and talk? Would I be speaking another language? Mentally changelled? Place in a home/institution?

Personally I wanna be the anti-Jason Bourne, Charlie Baltimore. Like I wanna be the assassin who remembered he was a regular dude haha

I be thinking weird shit, huh?

Freeform #1

School yard
The training grounds for all children
Oh you think it, it's all sweet, fun, games
Nah playa...
It's where you learn to network
Learn to bob and weave
Teamwork
Betrayal
Like the time we lost to the girls in punchball
All because
One of our teammates
didn't take his licks
like a man
Funny how taking your licks
make you a symbol of strength
Anyway he ain't take it and we hit a teacher
on the oopsie
Since no one snitched
(or rather didn't know who threw the punch)
Our twentysomething lead in the first inning
was all for nothing
Or my favorite
"Tisha wanted to know if you like her"
Heh
I guess in the school yard is where I found me
low self-esteem
and my need to show off
to my own demise
Lord
There I go
Not looking for the positive
in self
But I'm saying
if history is repetitive
Then why would anyone think
the outcome would be different
on some timeshifting
quantum leap type affair
But then again
if I keep remembering
the time she answered my
"So who you have a crush on now"
question with a firm
"Not you"
how do I expect to break
this groundhog day feeling
I keep getting when I
feel my spidey senses
tingling
My acting isn't all that great
and if I continue this way
I'll never land the leading role

atwhatpointdoyoujustsayfuckitmytimeisdone.
thesinglelifeain'tallthatCameosaiditwouldbe