Never Tell Me The Odds! Happy 30th, Empire Strike Back

(First and foremost, happy birthday, mom. Love you so much and thank you for everything)

Seven years old, walking into a dark RKO Fordham theater, holding my father's hand as he tried to find us a seat. On the screen was a bloodied Luke Skywalker, hung upside down as he reached out for his lightsaber. We came in late and my brother decided to sit by himself or something. Didn't matter, I was focused on the screen. This was my first Star Wars film and my little heart was hooked from then.

People know I'm a Star Wars geek. I have some action figures (including two preview Mace Windu figures, one which is still in its package), played various video games based on the series, seen/own all the VHS/DVDs (well most), and though I don't follow it at times, will give Yoda's advice of doing and not trying. If I had a List, besides football, being able to tolerate Star Wars is up there. Not saying you have to be a fan(atic), but at least be willing to indulge my Star Wars geekdom (don't worry, you do not have to do cosplay, especially since I don't).

Empire Strikes Back was dark, somber, and a perfect set up for the third movie, Return of the Jedi. Eventually it would be the template for all second movies in trilogies to come afterwards (Two Towers, anyone?). Heroes took a massive blow in this one, one was frozen and another was missing a hand. It had a mixed of humor, seriousness, and "DID YOU SEE THAT?" moments. I was just as terrified of the AT-ATs when I first saw them marching on Hoth as the rebels did. One of the best chase scene in a film, in my option, was the asteroid field (John Williams' score of that scene is an all time favorite).

I could go on and on about Star Wars, but let me keep what little dignity I have left. Thank you, George Lucas, for sparking the imagination of millions which still lives on today.


May the force be with you...always.

Original Trailer:


If ESB was made in 1950, it would probably look like this:


Cliff Notes:


Luke vs Darth Vader:


Ending with my favorite Star Wars related mention in a movie:

On: How I grew to not hate Phrenology as much as I did

Monday, May 3rd*

7:29 PM me: last thing: is it bad that the only song I remember off of Phrenology is "Water"?
7:31 PM fredara: nope!
7:33 PM me: cool haha
7:40 PM uh oh
so I'm listening to "Sacrifice" and thinking of giving the album another listen
:-(
7:41 PM fredara: oh?
me: yeah
you
know
age and shit
fredara: lol
7:42 PM me: I'm staring real hard at the CD
fredara: lol
me: fuck it
7:49 PM me: three songs in and I see what went wrong
7:50 PM 1) they left all that band feel out the door
2) that punk rock song was way too early
7:52 PM 3) too many effects
6 minutes
7:59 PM me: uh oh
I think...
fredara: ?
me: I might actually not hate it as much as before
8:00 PM fredara: lolol
5 minutes
8:05 PM me: oh no
i don't dislike "Seed 2.0" as much either
8:06 PM fredara: yeah, i'm cool with that
8:07 PM me: I'm beginning to think I had too much access to not really like the album
like the original Water, the original Seed
knowing that most of these songs were on Masterpiece Theater
8:08 PM and the d'angelo version of Break U Off

Tonight (Phrenology the background music)

1. "This isn't like Illadelph Halflife or Things Fall Apart!" Very true, it's not like either of those albums. It's something...different. Where were the "Vs."? Why wasn't Ursula Rucker doing the poem at the end as usual? For a fan during the Organix to Things Fall Apart, this was a major departure. To me, this is more akin to Buhloone Mindstate ie "I don't know if I could really get into this because it doesn't sound like a typical *insert artist* album"
2. "What the f*ck is that crazy sh!t after 'Water'?!?!" Actually I wasn't turned off by the "Fiend" part of "Water", but I could see how others could be. It's long, jarring, head scratching; yes all of that. However it's beautiful piece of work...that might have worked better as a last track (speaking of which, the hell was going on with the hidden track "Thirsty"?)
3. "Man, half of this is Black Thought's album! We waited this long for a half ass album?!?" This, I believe, was the major gripe about the album. To some of us, it just seemed that the Roots kinda put together a compilation album. You have some songs from Black Thought's shelved MCA album, Masterpiece Theater ("Water", "Rock You", "Thought At Work", and "Pussy Galore") and "Seed", which was originally on Cody Chesnutt's debut album The Headphone Masterpiece (minus Thought's verses). Three years and we get less than half a Roots album.
4. "Musiq Soulchild?!?! WHERE'S D'ANGELO?" Haha for the full (?) story of that, read the liner notes for Homegrown. Long story short, music business business (seriously ?uestlove tells a better story of the incident, though you could see the madness involved in the Phrenology's notes)
5. "'Seed 2.0' is vulgar!" Again, I didn't have a problem with this or the imagery, however I know some female fans were turned off with "I push my seed in her bush". Understandable.

So how is it that I came to not dislike the album as much as back in 2002? Simple, it's 2010, meaning growth and age happened. Musically, I can understand the album better as well as kinda see where the group was heading. Age led me to be more objective, especially since I'm not that rabid "Yall ain't heard of the Roots?!?" fan anymore. It's more subtle "Check out this track if you liked them on Jimmy Fallon's show."

It's interesting to revisit an album which divided a fan base like Phrenology did. Maybe it was a barometer of said fan (stan?) base like, imo, Around the World in a Day, where Prince distanced himself from Purple Rain. Kinda like "Will you still be with us after we do this" to which my answer was yes.

I do know one thing:
I'm still not listening to Tipping Point besides "Star", "Stay Cool", "Boom" and "Web" (sorry)
So yeah, Ahmir, my bad...

*chat used with permission

The War of Art

Books

I read them, but easily bored by them. Maybe I don't have the attention span or I get too busy to finish them, but at times, like writing, I just can't keep the focus or the drive. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I love reading, just at this point, with a piling plate, books aren't on that list.

My dear friend and "Skipper" to my "Ken", Autumn and I were talking about creative drives and what usually blocks them. "You ever read the book The War of Art by Steven Pressfield?" to which I replied no. "You should, I think it will help you out."

Ugh...books...

After she mentioned it at least three times, decided to bite the bullet and order a copy. Man alive, that was one of the best recommendations I've gotten in a long while. I feel so empowered, it's incredible. We as creatives have so many obstacles and stumbling blocks it's kinda hard to not give up and become a mindless drones.

A few gems:
-Resistance is the fear from within
-a pro takes criticism, but doesn't let it affect their work
-Resistance is a distraction (tv, drugs, internet, sex, family, friends)
-(and when I start my new job) "We only have rights to our work, not the fruits of said work" (meaning what comes from the work produced is not as important as doing the work itself)

While I haven't finished the book yet (can't wait to get to the Muse chapter), I feel like how I did when I first took African Studies...illuminated (not to be confused with Illuminati).

So please...pick up this book, you won't regret it. Matter of fact...read some for yourself

History

While doing some much needed cleaning, I came across a Ticketmaster envelope. Thought nothing of it and was about to throw it away until I felt something inside. No lie, when I opened it up, I saw a bright light and heard a choral in the background. Inside were...ticket stubs, stubs I thought I lost but now found.

Here are some of my prized stubs (starting top clockwise):

1) Okayplayer Tour (Winter Mini-Tour with Def Jux and Pete Rock & CL Smooth)
This was a cool little tour and the Roots are my favorite group to see live. If you haven't seen them live, you're missing out, especially if you love live music. The Def Jux crew was okay, but nothing really to write home about. However I was amped to see Pete Rock & CL Smooth rock (no pun intended), being that I never saw them perform live. Also with the supposed riff, this was something that had to be seen. Was not disappointed, just seeing CL get live to some of their classic hits was enough for me.

Another thing I remembered was seeing it with Fredara, who later told me it was a date haha. If only I had known...(Rain check?) . It was also funny how she spent some of her time looking for some place to charge her phone during the Def Jux portion of the show.

2) Prince (Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction Show)
A reminder for those new, which is probably most of you, I am a die hard Prince fan. He's the reason why I lost interest in playing classical music, much to the chagrin of my Russian piano teacher. The reason...man, that's for another post. Let's just say he's a major influence of mine, no matter that he's releasing, in my opinion, sub-par material now.

Anyway this was my very first Prince show...ever. Remember a friend of mine kept looking at me. Asked her why and her reply was "I wanted to see if you were going to cry." Thanks...but I ain't crying over no man (well not one living, I did when Dilla died). I did, however, get excited when I saw the brown and black guitar (the one used during Computer Blues). Yes he did wear heels that lit up when he walked haha. Yes some of his fans are out there (a mother yelled at her daughter to not drop the flowers she brought for Prince). Yes I didn't get home until 3am and had to go to work the next day. Would I do it again? Cmon now...

3) Okayplayer Tour (2000)
I remember showing up late for this one haha, but the energy was awesome. I believe on the bill was The Roots, dead prez, Flo Brown, Jaguar Wright, and I think Jill Scott. The second leg in Nov is the one I remember the most, mainly because I was with my ex during the blissful times haha (also remember yelling at a white chick who stepped on her coat. "That's kinda sexy"---ex)

4) A Tribe Called Quest (Farewell Tour)
To say Tribe was a part of my life would be an understatement. Their albums were the soundtracks to whatever phase I was in my life from high school to mid/late twenties. So going to this heartbreaking show was a must.

Usually I would go with my brothers, but they couldn't make it so I went solo. Great show and I remember trying to get them to do Lyrics to Go haha. Fondest memory was seeing Slum Village (complete with Dilla) for the first time. Crowd wasn't really feeling them until they did "I Don't Know". Remember a group of dudes singing along after relating; guess they had a homie they didn't know why they messed with haha.

5) De La Soul (Tramps)
De La Soul also falls into the same category as Tribe as far as being an influence. They showed us that you can be different and still get love (kind of like the Nerd/Geek Era we're going through now). Another great show. If you hear Tribe, De La, or the Roots are coming to your town, buy tickets immediately!

This is also the show that was recorded as well as Posdnuos showing up late due to the birth of his son, I believe. This was also the show where afterwards I called my ex in England, which is a long story I rather not get into. I will say the question I asked her was...stupid.

6) What Is Jazz Festival (Roots, Vernon Reid, Erykah Badu)
Besides seeing them at the Nuyorican Poets Cafe, this was my very first Roots concert (wow!). Interestingly enough I can't remember what songs they did or how the show was. I do remember being amazed at Vernon Reid's set, which was also my first time seeing him live. However the main draw was a young unknown singer who had New York on their ears when she released a song called "On and On". I believe this was her first show ever in NY. Headwrap, offering table, incense, yep. Remember the last song on the Love Below where Dre talks about the show he met Erykah at? This was it.

7) Black Lily (Last BL Show at Wetlands)
Almost every Sunday from 1999 to 2001, I used to go to Wetlands to see the lovely ladies of Black Lily perform. It was a showcase for Jazzfatnastees, Jaguar Wright, and 3-7000-9 with a female first open mic. Always a wonderful way to end the weekend to see the ladies get their shine. Also in attendance was Fishbone, who perfomed earlier the night. Wanted to say something to Angelo but fear over took me.

Usually after Black Lily, we would walk with our New Jersey friends to the PATH station at the World Trade. For some reason, maybe due to spent energy, we decided against that and took regular transit. The following Tuesday, the towers and the station were no more...


So yeah, those are why they are my prized possession. Have to find a way to preserve them better...

The (Blogs) Won't Let Me Chill

My wonderful, beautiful, and talented friend, Dr. Fredara Hadley, asked me why I stopped blogging. There's a simple answer:

Boredom

Not like I haven't tweeted most of my life away already, so what's the purpose of a blog? Then it hit me:

I write to keep sane (DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?)

Plus some of my previous posts were, if I can jump on my own dick for a minute, really good. I doubt myself way too much and I'm still learning how to at least keep it at bay. I'm a Leo, damnit, I'm supposed to have an ego. There's a reason why I don't wild out and it deals with a moon in Libra; balance/peace/harmony.* As much as I want to be the star of the story, I know my limitations and weaknesses.

Anywaves...

Still on my Staycation, still pondering, still have no exciting answer to "So what you've been up to?", still making beats (which I'm happy to say I've been improving on), still P.R.O.V

Some new things:
-a new dog, who goes apeshit whenever he sees me. How can you not love something/one that loves you unconditionally?
-a suit for a wedding that had an interesting turn of events for me (don't ask)
-going to Vegas for the first time to hang with some good,good friends whom (?) I miss dearly. Also I need to get away from New York
-dad needs another surgery :-(

Hmm...yeah that's about it. Once I figure out what I want to talk about (or at least a sense of where to take this blog), I'll post more. Until then...

1L2U,
Prov!?

*Did this muthafukka just use astrology? Why yes he did

**pardon if this post seem disjointed, I'm 1) being too lazy to edit, 2) unsober, and 3) listening to Straight Outta Compton. Speaking of NWA, I think I've gotten "old". When I say "old", I mean like your parents when they heard you playing this. You felt it was the best shit ever and they didn't get it because they were out of touch. Your parents hated it because every third word was a curse. Yeah that's me, kinda over the profanity (see? I even typed a "proper parental" word). Anyway, I promise to do better in the upcoming posts. Just wanted to say Hi (or Welcome).

This hasn't been a good 35th year...

Mainly because I keep saying I'm 36 (that's not until August 4th). So of course you start thinking "Four more years til 40. What do you have to show for it?"

And the answer comes back: Nothing.

Now THIS is probably how folks approaching 30 feel and I should be thinking "It ain't that bad". Then you look around. "It really is that bad."

-no real prospects. Those that were are boo'd up, pregnant, or something
-when people ask me what's new, I respond "Remember how it was the last time we've talked? It's the same."
-got placed on probation because honestly I was pissed at how we are treated every year so I slacked off
-directionless
-at times I feel lonely
-at times I am alone
-I've been in the past waaaaaay too much. I'm wishing there was a time machine or somehow granted special time controlling powers so I could tell my former self "Nigga, go away for college. This rap thing isn't gonna happen" or "You should have never went full time so soon and left the library five years earlier" or "Maybe you should have networked better."
-I think I've geeked out too hard this year

So if you've been wondering why I haven't been out and about, those are some of the reasons why. Like what do I have to offer? Do these people who I call friends, that? Have I pushed my friends away?

"...like my father..." © Prince, "When Doves Cry"

Bah, I need to let that one go.

I don't know.

I'll probably get out of this funk soon...









I hope...







Inshallah...
(and no I'm not suicidal (just wanted to put that out there)).

God Bless The Life Of Weldon Irvine

For those who may not know who he is:
http://www.nathanielturner.com/weldonirvine.htm

I had the honor of meeting him sometime in the mid to late 90s. Back then I used to go to this open mic at the Nuyorican Poets Cafe called "All That!", hosted by Bobbito Garcia and produced by Rocky Lamontagne. Some folks that performed were: Saul Williams, muMs da Schemer, Suheir Hammad, Rich Medina, Wood Harris, Siah & Yeshua Da PoEd, Company Flow, Mos Def, and Jessica Care Moore. If you were an underground mc or a poet in New York City, you had to hit that Lower East Side spot. Nuyo was where I considered home, a place that gave me some of the five best years of my life.

One night, there was a older gentleman wearing a red satin jacket and black jeans who got on the mic. Being the young folks that we were, we kinda laughed at this old man getting on the mic to rhyme, going by a weak name. Master Wel. After a while he had the crowd going, not because he was spitting dat hot fiyah, but because he had the spirit of hip hop in him. Bobbito informed us of that Master Wel was Weldon Irvine. My friend Issac's eyes lit up, but I was in the dark.

M: Who is that?
I: Weldon Irvine, man. Wow. I even have "Time Capsule" in my bag. I carry this everywhere I go.

Still in the dark, Bobbito went on to tell us such classics as BDP's "My Philosophy" and A Tribe Called Quest's "Award Tour" were Weldon's samples. That gave him more props from the audience because those were songs we held. In either 96 or 97, we had a special private performance at the Whitney Museum where I was one of the poets. During our waiting, a conversation between Saul and another brother about, what else, music started. One statement stood out: If "Award Tour" was released then, it would still be live. That's how much props Weldon, in a roundabout way, received from us that Wednesday night at NuYo.

Weldon Irvine also played keyboards for us when the regular couldn't show up. I will admit that sometimes what he played didn't fit what I had in mind, but it was dope regardless. A kind and humble man that would take time out to say "I really dug what you said out there" or answer questions you may have had for him. I remember telling my friend Dudley, who was a fan, about him playing at the NuYo and Weldon signed a copy of Embrace the Positive for him.

One thing I will always remember was how much he would mentioned his young son. In a way, I guess by him rhyming during the time of gun play and popping champagne, he was showing his son an essence of hip hop. The essence of rhythmically reciting a poem about life, struggle, hope, and price. Okay I got a little too overboard there, but hopefully I gave you a view to see what I saw, sitting in my chair listening to him rhyme.

I think I'll stop here before I over-romanticize, leading me to start revising the past into something it wasn't. I will say that his death shocked me and hip hop lost a solider. It was very impressive, in my opinion, to see a jazz legend embrace an artform that some of his peers would consider either not music or thievery. Sampling actually brought us to them; what made us take notice and appreciate.

Damnit.
There I go again.

Okay I'm done writing, but after listening to "Sisters" last night, it brought back memories and sadness. Here are some of videos to illustrate this man's work:

Dear Summer


We're Getting Down:


Sister Sanctified:


Nina Simone - Young Gifted and Black


Donny Hathaway's version


Mos Def - Umi Says


God bless your life, Master Wel. We miss and love you.

1L2U,
Improv!?

I Run Away And You Still Stay...

There's a story behind this, but I've told it way too many times. Plus I think she's tired of me constantly reminding her that I wish I could erase that particular memory. All I will say is after I heard this song, I wanted to thank Mr. J Davis for writing "Trash".



How did it start?
Well, I dont know.
I just feel the craving.
I see the flesh and it smells fresh.
And it's just there for the taking.
These little girls they make me feel so god damn
exhilarated.
I feel them up, I can't give it up.
The pain that I'm just erasing.

I tell my lies and I despise.
Every second I'm with you.
So I run away and you still stay.
So what the fuck is with you.

Your feelings I can't help but rape them.
I'm sorry I don't feel the same.
My heart inside is constantly hating.
I'm sorry I just throw you away.

I don't know why I'm so fucking cold?
I dont know why it hurts me.
All I wanna do is get with you.
And make the pain go away.
Why do I have a conscience?
All it does is fuck with me.
Why do I have this torment?
All I want to do is fuck it away.

I tell my lies and I despise.
Every second I'm with you.
So I run away and you still stay.
So what the fuck is with you.

Your feelings I can't help but rape them.
I'm sorry I don't feel the same.
My heart inside is constantly hating.
I'm sorry I just throw you away.

I tell my lies and I despise.
Every second I'm with you.
So I run away and you still stay.
So what the fuck is with you.

Your feelings I can't help but rape them.
I'm sorry I don't feel the same.
My heart inside is constantly hating.
I'm sorry I just throw you away.

I just throw you away.
I just throw you away.
I just throw you away.
I just throw you away.

...heh

Maybe I need to talk more
BECAUSE I FEEL BETTER ALREADY
and I didn't get blessed yet

Fuck the job though
I shouldn't have given them that much energy
and even this is too much

Oh Prov...what are we going to do with you?

My job gives me Richard "Dixpop" Nichols moments

That basically means I go through this almost everyday:


Wooosah

I am so angry at the level of stupidity I have to go through. Let me run some down to you (and if you're offended by what I typed, deal):

-dumb french wench who can't even get a renewal from DECEMBER correct is gonna ask me about an invoice that just came out, if I'm gonna send it out. No wench, I'ma let it sit right there

-got a needy ass broad who gets shook when customers ask her a simple question

-have a regional manager who can't find proper words to properly explain a situation (and he's a english major) so shit becomes bigger than it should be (oh and thanks to him I'm on probation).

-have a manager who asks dumb questions like "Why wasn't the contract attached before you sent it to Invoicing?" Because I was handling other "priorities" so these fuckers could get bonuses. You know the ones we don't get, but we always carry the company. What do we get? Fucking lunch. Lunch...fuck outta here

-his manager wants to be fucking Braveheart with people

-have a brand new system that doesn't fucking work

-assholes that don't/won't understand that this new system is way different than the previous one, which is funny since THE SYSTEM WAS MADE BECAUSE YOU FUCKERS ARE TOO FUCKING LAZY TO DO ACTUAL WORK

-this prick is gonna send me an email saying "Thanks and we would really appreciate it if this gets invoiced in May (today)" right after I told the prick everyone is trying to have their shit invoiced for May so please be patient.

Wooosah

When the director and my manager's manager left, my division went to shit. We're running around like headless chickens. People are quick to have these long drawn out conversations about why shit didn't get done instead of trying to FIX the problem. And no, *censored*, that doesn't mean even more meaningless meetings, activities, exercises. Then they wonder why people leave (we had ten people leave last year). A former co-worker came to visit and I'll be damned if she didn't look fucking happy. I want to get there, I really do which leads to my own problems. I'm just angry at everything and that's so not me.

Music makes me happy, but that industry is dying quicker than bees in the winter.
Writing, though it's a constant battle, makes me happy, but that shit is just like the music industry. I'm feeling like I'm chasing young folks' dreams and that makes me even more depressed.

I'm too smart for this shit, but yet I can't seem to find a way out (let's face it, (well paying) jobs are getting less and less by the minute). Figured I'll look into Networking, but *sigh*

Wooosah

I'm so confused
I'm so angry
I'm so scared
I'm so...

*sigh*

What's the point?

And I know today's events shouldn't bother me, but we're going to dance this dance again tomorrow. Why? Because the prick's invoice didn't get produced and more than likely they're gonna say it's because I didn't attach the contract. Motherfucker, if it was that important, you should have made sure it was in on Thursday. If yall were smart, yall would have seen that alot of stuff didn't get invoiced. Why? BECAUSE EVERYBODY ELSE WERE TRYING TO GET THEIR SHIT INVOICED.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm waiting to get blessed so I can listen to this and get the smile they casually erased...

We're Wrong Turn Vibin'

Remember when I spoke about the group me and my boys were in and how if I found a track I would up it (if not remind me to tell ya)? Here it is:

 And now for the story behind this (and remember some info may be missing since I had little to do with it)

Back in the dayz, we were young idealistic men who decided that rap music was going down the hole due to the influx of "gangsterism". When people mentioned hardcore, it's usually associated with gunplay, smoking, drinking, getting on hoes (sounds familiar?). To us hardcore was about the art, our gunplay was lyrics, we got high off of doing stuff like video games, making beats, shooting pool, etc. (sounds like De La, right?).

Everyone had a crew or a movement back then. Ours was called Wrong Turn, meaning what everyone else is doing, we're doing the opposite. Admirable. This was supposed to be our theme song, the song that lets people know what we were about

Anyway, our summers usually included a trip to Jones Beach for Greek Fest, but on this particular Saturday, Dre and I decided to skip it. We decided to work on some beats (I forgot where G was, probably was at the Fest haha). We had this sample that an associate gave us, but we couldn't figure out what to do with it. We're messing around when we came upon the drum sample used in ATCQ's "Can I Kick It". Drumbeat vinyl on the turns, sample in the tape player, and a bootleg way of connecting both to a four track. Dre manned the turns as I handled the tape deck. Like chocolate falling into some peanut butter, it worked causing us to go "Woooooooo!" Dre and I looked like we create a hit single or something. In the following days, Dre and G worked on the lyrics.

When they laid the track down, I had problems with my ear so I wasn't able to go. Surprisingly they claim that was the quickest session ever (bastards). Dre did the ad-libs I was supposed to, but around that time I was getting more in the spoken word (I had a plan that didn't really work because...well read on).

A few months later, Dre decided that rap wasn't his thing anymore (I'm guess it was more from people saying his sounds were dated or too Tribish than the love being gone. Of course I could be wrong). That was it; Mystic Odd Squad faded away only a memory to us three and the people who hung with us.

So yeah, things have changed; for the most part we like to take a couple of drinks now and then, I smoke, and the ideals we had at age 18/19 changed when we got closer to 23/24 (actually once we discover the joys of drinking and clubbing…well you know).

If you read through all of the above you deserve a treat (or two):

 

 

*chucks the deuce and gives the Pam*

1L2U,

Prov!?

...it's hard to be a man when there's a gun in your hand

For some reason, that line stuck to me more than the others. Maybe I thought it was poetic.

Or maybe...
Nah (ie don't read suicide haha please don't)

Anyway it's been an interestingly down weekend. I need to soak in the sun. I feel that yearly beach yearning. Gonna make it happen, that's my word...

Banging my head on the desk

Something has to give
Something will give
When you become more absorbed in a virtual world than the one you have to live in...
Something has to give